I am often amazed at how quickly time passes. Seriously, it feels like the school year just barely started, not that it is nearly over. I remember when it would seem like it would take forever for Christmas to come. Now it comes and goes before I can even blink. The saying is true that life is like a record. When you are young you are on the outside and it takes longer for each turn. But as you get older, you move closer and closer to the center and pretty soon the years are flying by. But at the same time, I remember reading a quote once that said to really test your memory, try to remember what you were worrying about one year ago today.
I do sort of have a point to this. It was a year ago today that I had the ultrasound where they found that Dylan had a heart defect. Russ hadn't come with me to that appointment. We had an ultrasound 8 weeks earlier where we found out we were having a boy. Before the appointment I kept telling Russ he didn't need to worry about coming with me, it should be fine. (So you really can forgive yourself for not being there with me, Russ.) There was some small part of me that worried that something would be wrong, but I mostly ignored it.
I thought I was being good. When the ultrasound tech told me there was a problem, I didn't cry. Sure, I had a tear or two escape, but I thought I was being quite good about it. Then the nurse asked me what I found out with the ultrasound. I lost it. Think I panicked the nurse, actually. Didn't take me long to regain composure. I made myself chuckle by thinking of Jimmy being born 7 weeks early and Dylan's heart and wondering to myself, "What is up with my boys?"
It really was a hard day. Every time I would feel Dylan move, my stomach would drop and I would think of his heart. As hard as that day was though, it ended much better than the bulk had been. After the kids were all in bed, Russ gave me a priesthood blessing. It was one of the longest blessings I had heard him give (and I've heard him give long blessings). The blessing totally changed things for me. Instead of thinking of the problem with his heart, I would think of the things that were said in the blessing when I would feel Dylan move. Nearly all of the stress I had been feeling vanished. Enough so that at times I wondered if I were in denial about his heart because of the lack of stress. Sure, there was still the worry and stress at times, but nothing like I had been feeling that day. It strengthened my feelings that we were supposed to have Dylan. But mostly strengthened my knowledge that our Heavenly Father blesses us and helps us through our trials and struggles as we allow Him to.
It was a year ago that my life started down a path that I had never thought I would be on. But from the blessings I've seen because of this path, I can say I agree with James Taylor when he sang, "It's just a lovely ride."